Brain Ramblings & Dumpings

The following is a mental dump. A form of puke on a page (sorry . . . a bit graphic.) I thumbing through a note book I had and I found some pencil scratches I wrote while flying on a plane to West Bank, British Columbia to lead a worship conference last month. Not sure why I'm sharing it. It is not where I am today. But it is how my mind works in general . . . in fits and spurts. The English language forces me to craft my thoughts in to fluid sentences. So here they are in raw form. Like always, for what it's worth . . . Here it goes.

I don't like it.
Hate!
But what . . .
What is it that I hate?
What forces the bad, the cynicism to bubble up?

I'm tired
I'm sleepy
Hollow, really
Not dead
Just . . . no living?

Why?

I was just recently alive
Happy
Warm
But all is gone . . . far away

Too tired . . .
. . . to love
. . . to care
. . . to continue

Would sleep fix the empty?
Rest to fill the gap?
All the sleep in the world won't take away the hate!

Weakness
Grief?
Darkness

Well . . . grief of course

Death is good . . .
. . . no more pain
. . . race well run
. . . no regrets . . . for her

Will that be true for me?
. . . well no pain of course
. . . but what of the race . . . the regrets

I have lists . . .
. . . expectations
. . . goals
. . . quality

ME?!?

Turn it around

Change the focus

Pan to the right

Zoom on You

How easy 'tis to skew the focus

OBEY

PEACE

PATIENCE

LOVE

REST

Help . . .

I cry . . .
. . . tears don't come
I die . . .
. . . but still live on
I wince in pain . . .
. . . no one sees
I search for new
. . . the old still breathes