. . . it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
- Dr. Seuss
FWIW (For what it's worth.)
Take it . . .
Friday, January 05, 2007
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Dealing with the now . . .
Today I have finally made it into my office and am slowly wading thru the waters of the "after-holiday-stuff".
I sit here in disbelief. I can't believe my mom is gone (see next post). I literally watched her die and I can't believe it. I am in disbelief that God brought me through (us as a family through) the calling hours and the funeral. I feel like I was in shock the whole time and now, looking back, I can see how big and how grave it all was. Oh we celebrated. But it was huge in the saddness department.
I am in disbelief the I watched as my mom was slowly lowered into the ground with ten other men . . . on that peaceful hillside . . . in the rain. I watched as they covered her casket with the lid to the vault. I was numb. I was sad. I was proud of my mom. I was happy there was no more pain. I was lonely. I was lost. I was at peace. I was confused. I was tired.
I was in disbelief with the number of people that came to celebrate and grieve. They said there about 300 and that it was one of the biggest gatherings they have had for a furneral in a long time. My father couldn't believe the number of pastors that were there. From where I sat I felt like the room was full . . . not just with people. But with the quality of people and the depth of their love. Love for my mom and for the family that was close to my mom. We loved her well. We honored her well. I am so proud to be her son.
I guess that is the way of it. Short pangs of memories. And then release. The quick sharp realization that she is gone and then nothing. One tear drop. Then clear eyes. A thought then one to the next. Short entries . . . poignant but short.
FWIW
I sit here in disbelief. I can't believe my mom is gone (see next post). I literally watched her die and I can't believe it. I am in disbelief that God brought me through (us as a family through) the calling hours and the funeral. I feel like I was in shock the whole time and now, looking back, I can see how big and how grave it all was. Oh we celebrated. But it was huge in the saddness department.
I am in disbelief the I watched as my mom was slowly lowered into the ground with ten other men . . . on that peaceful hillside . . . in the rain. I watched as they covered her casket with the lid to the vault. I was numb. I was sad. I was proud of my mom. I was happy there was no more pain. I was lonely. I was lost. I was at peace. I was confused. I was tired.
I was in disbelief with the number of people that came to celebrate and grieve. They said there about 300 and that it was one of the biggest gatherings they have had for a furneral in a long time. My father couldn't believe the number of pastors that were there. From where I sat I felt like the room was full . . . not just with people. But with the quality of people and the depth of their love. Love for my mom and for the family that was close to my mom. We loved her well. We honored her well. I am so proud to be her son.
I guess that is the way of it. Short pangs of memories. And then release. The quick sharp realization that she is gone and then nothing. One tear drop. Then clear eyes. A thought then one to the next. Short entries . . . poignant but short.
FWIW
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